On a Scale From 1 to Ted Bundy, You Sir, Are An Eleven

Today I was Creeped on in a really epic way. I’ve been minorly creeped on before, you know some guy tries to talk to me about what flavor of ice cream I’m getting or been told my eyes are just so beautiful. But usually they only manage to get out a few sentences before I manage to get  myself out of the situation. I’m wily that way.

Anyways. I was at the grocery store looking at pumpkins. Now everyone knows when selecting pumpkins you don’t just grab the first pumpkin you see, you have to carefully select it for it’s carve-ability, size, color, ect. So there I was studying the pumpkins minding my own business, I had selected 2 pumpkins and suddenly this 30 ish looking guy comes walking up I of course ignore him cause that’s my style. Now I shall give you the entire Dialog

T.B. “So do you know how much the pumpkins are?”
Kell ” 9 cents a pound”
T.B. “Oh, That’s pretty good right”
Kell “Yeah I guess they are on sale they used to be 19 cents a pound”
T.B. “Oh wow, You’re like, An expert,”
Kell “No…. I just asked a Cashier” *Thinks to self ‘What up with this guy?’ And start to studiously ignore him*
T.B. “So what do you use to carve Pumpkins?”
Kell *thinks ‘What the heck?? He’s never carved a pumpkin?’* “Um usually Something from a pumpkin carving kit… or like a steak knife…”
T.B. “You are an expert! How do you select your pumpkin?”
Kell *first realization that man is a creeper not some guy who wants to get his children pumpkins to carve.* “Ummm I like Pumpkins that look like those” *points to 2 pumpkins in cart*
T.B. “Oh. So like really round with thick stems?”
Kell “Yeah…”
T.B. “You really are an expert! I was coming out of the Chiropractor and I saw you over here studying the pumpkins all intently and I just decided it might be fun to carve some”
Kell “…” *CREEPER*
T.B. “My ex Girlfriend and me carved some once and it was a really fun date!”
Kell “…Yeah…” *CREEPER STYLE*
T.B. “Oh I didn’t Get your Name.”
Kell *that’s because I didn’t give you it.* “Kelli”
T.B. -Handshake- “I’m Todd? Ron??” *I actually can’t remember*
Kell *awkward* “Nice to meet you..”
T.B. “I’m not trying to freak you out or anything, I just think it’s really cool that you are so in to carving pumpkins”
Kell *awkward smile, continues to hunt for perfect pumpkins*

-Cheer Leaders exit grocery store Laughing and talking loudly-

T.B. -Mimicking cheerleaders “Like oh my gosh how stupid!”
Kell *Insincere laughter*
T.B. -misses the insincere part of the laughter- “Look at those two picking pumpkins isn’t that stupid?”
Kell *crickets* *don’t think I missed the fact that you made it sound like we’re picking pumpkins together*

-Cheerleader car alarm goes off-

T.B. “Wow, they are so stupid did you hear them? And then they set off their own car alarm? Psh… You aren’t like them are you?
Kell *SERIOUSLY???* “What a cheerleader? No.”
T.B. ” I didn’t think so. you don’t seem like them”
Kell *CREEPTACULAR* “Yeah…” *Starts to push cart with pumpkins away*
T.B. “WAIT! Can I just put my pumpkins in with yours? I’ll pay for them, I just don’t want to have to go get a cart.”
Kell “Sure…” *Waits for T.B. to put his pumpkin in cart then starts to push*
T.B. ” Oh here, I’ll Push it!
Kell *Moves away from cart silently, considers a quick dash to car thinks ‘I’m going to get serial killed’*
-Awkward check out of pumpkins begin while T.B. goes to fetch a cart for his pumpkins to be put in after checkout and I have to explain to cashier that only 4 of the pumpkins are mine, Finally Checkout is completed and I Dash for the door Already Dialing Sadie to avoid any further conversation with T.B.-

T.B. -yells- “It was a pleasure to meet you Kelli!”
Kelli *’The feeling isn’t mutual’*


About kelltick

Snowcones. Theme Parks. All Time Low. Lake Powell. Concerts. Random Dancing. Trampolines. The Beach. Camping. Snowboarding. Horses. Dr Pepper. Summer camp. Pets. Sarcasm. Adventures. Utah. Arizona. Pool days. the lake. SUMMER. Pictures. Tang (the drink). Vacations. Life.
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6 Responses to On a Scale From 1 to Ted Bundy, You Sir, Are An Eleven

  1. zackapalooza says:

    OMG that is so creepy. If someone serial killed you I would legitimately cry and hold an Internet Funeral.

  2. Aliese says:

    HaHaHaHa! Umm…I think had you said you WERE a cheerleader, the conversation would have ended much more abruptly.

  3. Sarah says:

    Woah. I would probably be way creeped out too. He was all smooth just like a serial killer would be. My room mates would say, he was just being friendly, you are reading too much into that. But I think you should be creeped.

  4. Jennifer says:

    That is hilarious! Why am I never with you when any of this happens. Here is why I should be there next time: A) Then we could laugh about it a lot afterwards. B) I’m pretty sure I could have gotten you out of that situation.

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