Out wit, Out last, Out play… ok actually It was just outside

So I went on the survival trip for my survival skills class this past weekend. And let me just say, If I wasn’t already in your top ten people to be stuck on a deserted island with you should really consider adding me.

If I wasn’t an asset then I am now. I’m almost capable of starting a fire without a match or lighter, I know that really all you need is a tin can to cook your food in. I can live off a liter of water for 2 days. I know that even when camping I’m a really awful cook… (but you should still keep me on your island). I know that I am alot better sport about sleeping on the ground with nothing but a sleeping bag then most people. (probably because I know it can be so much worse. you could be on a cot with the freezing cold air above and below you and, be injured enough that you can’t curl into a ball, AND you gave your extra mat to your brothers stupid girlfriend…) obviously I’m still not over that horrible night in Green river. moving on.

So that class is like Chalk full of psychos. Not an exaggeration I totally meant talk about them previously and haven’t, I’ll just give you the stars of the show instead of the whole gang.

Institutionalized girl: who on first day in class introduced herself as having spent the majority of her life institutionalized. WHO DOES THAT??

-Mountainman/Tristan: Tristan is the nickname he gave himself as in, Legends of the fall… actually until just now I thought it was Dances With Wolves…. research proved me wrong., but he has the full on beard, trappers license, does everything outdoors ect. Comes off as a know it all most of the time.

– Tent city: The guy who always talks about his time in tent city. Which I didn’t know was the prison until like… last month

– Lena: the girl from chicago I sit by, who tells me things like “GIRL! you be trippin!” and other things like that

-Hipster scum: Who is a hipster, but isn’t actually scum He’s like an actual circus juggler. and is actually so hip I wanna die, he was raised with native American/ Buddhist belief systems which makes him really fascinating to talk to, And likes to talk in depth about his time at burning man.

So day one we hike in with these backpacks made of long sleeve jackets, which are inferior to real backpacking backpacks in every way. Then we hang around camp and explore some. … Some how I end up hiking around with Tristian. And he asked me if I rock climb, I told him I have some, so then he just starts climbing up this wall and would be like “see this? good hand hold” “see this? good place for a foot” “see this? not a good hand hold”. and on and on and on for eternity. and then I just went up the wall a completely different way because I was so annoyed with him treating me like a baby.

I ate a prickly pear… leaf? arm? patty? Any ways I tried it. BARF. So sick. It has mucus and is completely disgusting, also dangerous, because the really tiny spikes can stay inside the cactus even if you burn the other ones off. Lena wouldn’t go to the bathroom by herself so I had to go like 10 times with her that night and I slept on a rock with a grass mattress… which was not thick enough. But made me feel like I was on survivor.

The next day we wander around some more, eat some ash cakes which is basically flour, water, and whatever flavoring you have cooked into like a little cake in the ash. Gross right? who wants to eat ash? But I did, because I was starving. Then luck turned… Hard to say which way, but some boy in my class… Bandana is what I call him because he always wears one, cut his hand open with his knife and we got to come home a day early. BONUS for me! Sad for the kid with the cut hand.

*** edited to add this photo so you can put faces to the names bet you can’t spot Tristan


About kelltick

Snowcones. Theme Parks. All Time Low. Lake Powell. Concerts. Random Dancing. Trampolines. The Beach. Camping. Snowboarding. Horses. Dr Pepper. Summer camp. Pets. Sarcasm. Adventures. Utah. Arizona. Pool days. the lake. SUMMER. Pictures. Tang (the drink). Vacations. Life.
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5 Responses to Out wit, Out last, Out play… ok actually It was just outside

  1. Aliese says:

    Just know you would ALWAYS be on my list purely because you can pee standing up. That’s a pretty cool skill to have. That, and we could play some kick-a card games.

  2. SadieSadie says:

    This post is hilarious, and I love it. You’re totally on my Deserted Island Team.

  3. Jennifer says:

    ^It is not embarrassing. You be proud!

    I am really really sorry about the Green River thing. I wish you would have just climbed in with us the first night so you didn’t risk losing your toes. That was rough. I demand a repeat. Next time will be better. Deal?

    This post made my day. Seems hilarious. There is no way “Tristan” has any right to call himself that. Nobody really deserves that honor. Clearly, I’m a Tristan fan.

    I’m glad the kid injured himself and you could escape.

    I’m super glad you are Utah bound. I’ve missed you dear cousin.

    Long enough comment? I think so.

    • kelltick says:

      I’ve never seen Legends of the fall… so I know I don’t fully understand how offensive taking Tristan’s name is. but I know that when you take on a movie characters name/ make up your own nickname, you’ve gone to far. I’ve missed you too. It will be great to be at the same family parties again :D

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