Something I probably shouldn’t post on a subject I’m not an expert in.

Alternately Titled: My thoughts on Cheating spouses

I hate being serious. I LOATH it. No one wants to read SERIOUS… ly boring stuff not even me, and I’m the one writing this. ALSO I may be completely ignorant on this subject because hey, I’m not married. I don’t even have a boyfriend. I barely even date. But as it turns out I have A LOT of thoughts on this subject. So If you don’t want to read something long and probably  boring and a little bit ranting, don’t.

So here is a quick back story. Someone who I’m extremely close to ended up getting cheated on by her husband. With someone they both knew. In fact, It was his employee. Disgusting. I was actually around both of them for a great deal of the time during this period. And I was Horrified. It basically rearranged my priories in life. Also you thought I was kind cynical before? Just try me now.

A cheating spouse should be no spouse of mine. (or yours)
I can’t even think of an action I would find more despicable than this. … (scratch that. Physical abuse is very bad. In fact it’s on another level all together. And honestly I could probably write some girl power post about that too.) ANYWAYS. Cheating. Horrible. and honestly if my husband cheated on me? He would find himself walking out the door. And then I would ruin his life. I cannot understand a woman who stays with her husband if he has cheated. So you made a commitment? He broke it! So you can’t support yourself without him? Time to learn to stand on your own? So you love him? He obviously doesn’t love you enough. I’m pretty sure that lady will stay with her husband which brings me to my next point.

Money cannot buy happiness. (but it sure pretends too)
And really if you know me at all one of my main goals in life was to be rich basically until this past year. I would laugh in my head when people said this to me. but I stand behind it now. Yeah money can buy you nice stuff and you can be happy with your stuff. but all the stuff in the world isn’t going to make you happy. It doesn’t matter if your car is really really nice, if your spouse isn’t nice t you and makes your days less than stellar all the time. I’m pretty sure she a little bit married him because she knew he was going to be rich. Don’t get me wrong. I know she loved(s?) him. Really. I also think that they were both really into each other based on looks.  And I think it was more important to them then it should have been. I’m not saying marry someone ugly. by all means find someone you find attractive but don’t put it at the top of your list.

Arrogant people will stay arrogant (Even when they should be begging for mercy)
Admittedly I did something I shouldn’t have. I tried to listen in on every single conversation they had after he got found out.  But honestly I’m kind of glad I did. Because I’m pretty sure He’s not sorry. And I’m glad I know that. Because it makes me stand even firmer in my position. I remember once saying to someone. “you know what? I think I’d like my husband to be kind of cocky” Um you know what past self? YOU’RE A MORON. What is the draw of someone arrogant, Who thinks they can get away with anything? I guess maybe it’s exciting because they live life on the edge. But I have no idea where I was coming from.

So they Cheated…. So they’ll cheat again.
Fact: I don’t know of any person who has taken their cheating spouse back and not been cheated on again. This always happens! because they think they can get away with it! the did once, and so they will try again. I Try to put some separation between a one night stand vs. and affair. but I find a debate in this because I feel like one is just as two. BUT. I feel like you can actually be sorry about a one night stand. You are not sorry about an affair. Because it was an AFFAIR!! It happend over and over. And you know what else? people support people who leave cheating spouses. In fact I feel like people will always say “oh I would get a divorce if my spouse cheated on me even once”. And then it happens to them. And then they stay with the cheater. WHY??? It’s easy to say, Oh we need to stay together for the kids. Oh their lives will be ruined. No. They won’t. they probably know something is going wrong. and if one, or both of you are unhappy? They aren’t going to be happy either, Because kids are smart!! Kids can tell!

*edited to add: Rally your supporters.
No one does. Because they don’t want to have that conversation. It’s awkward, it’s depressing, and maybe you feel extremely embarrassed. All with reason. But if your spouse cheats on you? Tell someone. you need support, and honestly I think they need people that hate them. Seriously I would tell everyone.

To the people who stay with their cheating spouses? I do not get you. I do not get you at all.


About kelltick

Snowcones. Theme Parks. All Time Low. Lake Powell. Concerts. Random Dancing. Trampolines. The Beach. Camping. Snowboarding. Horses. Dr Pepper. Summer camp. Pets. Sarcasm. Adventures. Utah. Arizona. Pool days. the lake. SUMMER. Pictures. Tang (the drink). Vacations. Life.
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3 Responses to Something I probably shouldn’t post on a subject I’m not an expert in.

  1. I never got why people would stay with a cheater. Or why someone would ever think that being a mistress (or histress? not sure the word for guys) would ever be a good start to a relationship even if they do break up with the other person.

    But I guess life is complicated. Stupid grey areas.

  2. Aliese says:

    Agreed. 110%. And in all honesty, now that I am married, I can say without a doubt, I would MUCH rather have my husband hit me (not that he ever has or ever would–just gotta put that out there) than have him cheat on me…Just to put your abuse point into perspective…Coming from two situations where each has occurred (yes, I was totally smacked hardcore by a boyfriend AND cheated on by an ex-practically fiance), I’d take the slap any day. ANY DAY. At least with the slap, I could fight back. And maybe I feel it’s a “better” situation because at least with the slap, it was mildly provoked. He was angry. I was angry. I totally admit that I royally pissed him right off. I’m not justifying his actions, but at least it was obvious there was an emotional breaking point. If anything, this situation empowered me more and made me realize what I wanted and deserved. I was infuriated.

    Flip side: When I was cheated on (and when I say “cheated” since we were dating, yes, I really do mean cheated. He had SEX with my friend–not just kissed her), I felt completely helpless. I felt worthless. At least with the single slap, it knocked some sense into me. Literally. But after the cheating incident, I was completely broken. For a long time. In fact, I’m quite convinced it changed me as a person entirely. I even remember my mom saying something about how different I was at the time and she wondered what was wrong (I didn’t tell her–still haven’t since that’s generally not a convo most moms handle well). And maybe others would say differently, but I definitely think the cheating is worse. The cheating–yeah–totally didn’t see it coming. At all. EVER. I was blindsided. I couldn’t believe that someone who claimed to love me like crazy would want to have sex with someone else (granted, I wasn’t “putting out” any time soon, so others who don’t share my awesome Mormon values would still consider his behaviors provoked, but I disagree).

    Anyway, that sucks hardcore for whomever this post is about. Seriously. And just because you’ve never been confronted with the situation doesn’t mean you can’t be an expert or have an opinion on the subject. :) And I also agree with you statement about once a cheater, always a cheater. Cheating Ex-Almost-Fiance got married a little while back and I remember thinking, “I wonder if he’s told his wife he once cheated on someone he called the love of his life?” I almost wanted to tell her myself.

    Finally, I’m glad you’ve decided to modify your thought about wealth and arrogance. Good guys are definitely the best guys. And when you’re happy with one, you are INFINITELY happy! :)

    Soapbox over.

    • Jennifer says:

      I hate cheating. I don’t understand it and have zero tolerance for it. Especially if your married. You’re breaking major promises, totally destroying someone who loves you, and killing any chance of anyone smart ever fully trusting you. And I totally think that money cannot buy happiness. Really, it can maybe hinder it. And it’s definitely not worth trading in pure love for.

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